I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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