who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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