Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
