I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
