She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
did you just send me my own nude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
