He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
