Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Holy shit dude........stairs
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
