I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Houston, we have a squirter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
