none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
