In the future we'll all be gay
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
