there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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