I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
