You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
