I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we should paint friendship bongs
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