oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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