don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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