only if we run a train.
done.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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