My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
