just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's shark week go big or go home
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
