i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
