is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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