I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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