Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
