Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
soo... how was my night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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