So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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