I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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