Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
