Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
