I accidentally burped into my bong.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
