How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize