WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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