Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
