I just threw up on my dentist
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize