I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
