we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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