We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
