well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
