She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
