I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
