Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
