I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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