I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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