Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She told me I should be a condom model.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
