I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
