high people should be assigned attendants
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
