i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
