My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
