The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
