You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
