Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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