Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You ruined the universe
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
