Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she told me i tasted like america
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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