Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
