STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
