I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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