I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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