Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
