Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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