so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
