I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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