I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
