You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
