she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
