So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
