nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pooping to opera.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
