I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
