eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
