He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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