we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
