He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
