Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
