On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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