haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
