my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
