his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
