In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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