The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
